How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
