we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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