My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want a musical about memes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
