ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize