i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
