I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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