I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
