there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
