I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
