remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
