we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
