He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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