GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
