"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
