just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
