no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
