Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize