My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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