My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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