There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
