I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
