I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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