booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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