he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
