Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't notice because vodka
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize