someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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