we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
