Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
