his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
