It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
