It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
