hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
