I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
