the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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