I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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