Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
