bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
