Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
