Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
