I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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