you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
