real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
