My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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