yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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