Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
