you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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