Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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