Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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