What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
