my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
