her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
