Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
