he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize