Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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