why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
