Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
