They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
