she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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