she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
