awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
