you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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