I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
