Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
