brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
