she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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