I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
