this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You pole danced in your parka.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
