Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
