Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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