I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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