Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want her autograph on my taint
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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