eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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