Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
