woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
