i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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