Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
