So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I will pee on everything he values.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
