I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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