escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
