Banned from zoo.
Again?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
