There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
