Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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