The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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