hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
