The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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