I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize