All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
