did you get engaged???
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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