I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
