i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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