Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
