I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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