STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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