does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
