I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
