I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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