Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
