i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
3pm strippers are depressing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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