Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
