I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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