he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
