I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
