Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
