new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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