just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
