At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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