You can't special order awesome
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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