Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
