It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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