I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
